Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
