physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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