I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
