Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
