sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Welp...herpes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
