just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
