wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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