Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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