How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
