Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
