My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
