If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
