Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
