peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
