he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
