thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
