Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
