I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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