Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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