i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
