Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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