please come you make the beer taste better
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
