at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
