Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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