The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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