I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
