I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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