It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
