i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
