Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
