fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
