goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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