You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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