So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Come see our sink grown plant.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
