Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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