I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
