Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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