____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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