I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
