dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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