how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
