One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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