The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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