Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
