I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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