just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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