I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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