I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
