omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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