mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
