Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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