I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
