How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i came on her dog
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
