I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you never un-have a 4some
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
